My "open" letter to God.

Reh N.G

Loving Daughter

P.o.Box; K-Town.

Dear God,

How are you?  Its so funny i asked that because i know beyond doubt that you are exceptionally fine.  i wrote this letter to you from the pits of my heart just to at least share my heart felt gratitude of how much you have been (great) more than i ever imagined to me this year. I often have short and some times even shorter "thanks giving to you" on an every day occasion but today i want to do something special. i thought to write you a letter. Please read it through after i am done. :)

In January i remember we were tight. I remember feeling such intense peace whenever i came in to your presence, i remember you giving me such calm and personal settlement i had never thought could happen to me. You oh Christ guided my every step, my every word, my every move and for this i sincerely want to thank you with the picture below:

Then came February, this human mind cannot remember anything special but for the fact that you were there with me Jesus, holding me every step of the way and for the fact that i was not lonely during valentines OOPS! I just said that!!! is a major reason i thank you Jesus. Indeed when you say you will full fill every desire of my heart, you are faithfully saying so. Again please see my gratitude through the picture below:

March,April and May were the months i am reminded i felt your presence near me as ever. Do you remember when i came crying on my knees pleading you to please give me a "better" job? remember those nights my mind was so troubled by my previous employer? remember when i did not have Car insurance it was a near arrest and i did the thing? remember God when i was at the parking of ALABASTRON sending sales and i just kept whispering under my breath please Father give me a job? Oh those days were so crazy! yet you held together my mind, you held together my sanity, you held together my dignity, above all, your love so strong knit together my mind,my hopes,dreams giving birth to a faith so strong. its ONLY you JESUS who could have done this to me, ONLY YOU! so for that i say:

JUNE...JUNE...mhh You came through for me in a BIG..sorry in a MIGHTY MIGHTY big way. i ask you dear reader; who else can give you a new job, cross that who can give you a brand managers position without papers and so you know how great JESUS is he gave me a new job on the exact date of my birthday! JUNE 4th was my first reporting day at my new job...Who but you? if only i can create something JESUS it would be for me just to say THANK YOU...but i hope this will do for now:

July,August,September; these were very very busy months...after talking up the new position. i remember setting up dates/days/hours just to go to "our" private room and say thank you and just ask for direction and wisdom. I remember one particular night (not sure it was during these months) i ask and cried for you to show your face, as i drove home, you spoke to me (still takes away my breath) and said "ISAIAH 54....i remember going home reading the verse and just crying..because you said you would do a great thing to me...i have seen these great works. i have seen you love me on end. i thank you JESUS. i thank you that my car got fixed after so many issues. i thank you for that fate full night as we were driving from Kisumu to Nakuru and our car was saved by your might hand from being crushed under a 20foot container. i thank you that i know you. i seek to say this as below:

October & November; the months when i was reminded that i was still beautiful in the eyes of men! the month when a minor confused everything in me...the months when i indeed realised i am not meant to be alone. Father you know who i speak of. I thank you from deep down my heart that i got to meet this individual and he got to show me your love through his utter confusion! did i just say that? i thank you God because you have been here through out this two months that have been thoroughly confusing, i thank you that you still love me even when i wade off your love. i thank you for your mercy. i wanna say i love you by just saying:

December: as i come to close of my many thank yous, i sincerely want to thank you for great friends. My girls who i for certainty know they have my back. I thank you God for Maria, she may read this as she smiles but Lord i know that girl gets me! i thank you for Judy for the spiritual mentor ship she puts my way. i thank you for my yellowest of friend Saru! i thank you for Steph, she reminds me of Eve...some how...  i thank you for Wamuyu, she has the strongest of zeal. i thank you for Daisy she reminds me of deep strength in a woman. i Thank you for Linda, i wish i would jog daily like she does. I thank you for coming through for Maggie direct her towards your precious pat in her new habitation  i thank you for Stella shes a great girl with an even great laughter. (even though she refuses to bring Mukami to me) i thank you for Yvonne so slim and elegant oh and the resilience she has! i thank you for Koi i want to be her when i grow up doing business. i thank you Lord Jesus for Terry; she is so focused she doesn't need a telescope to see the stars! i thank you for the strength you gave Evelyn keep her on course oh lord, i thank you Jesus for Laimani Bidali, how do i even start? she i think has the ability of 500 women!!! above all Jesus i thank you for my two lovely sisters, my tow nonchalant brothers and my dad....and the last and most probably least i thank you for my son, i thank you for my lad, whatever goes through that boys head? and now you even gave him an accent!!! how cool is that?

Jesus i still feel that this does not do much justice, i feel like this does not even cover half of what i would like to say but LORD you know my heart...as far as it goes you have been what i would call a friend, a lover, a mate, a husband, a provider, a protector, an abundant fulfilment in my life this year and for this please accept my heart filled gratitude:

Jesus just for the fact that i see another end year, just for the fact that i know you will be with me now and till the end of time, just because you loved me before i loved me,just because you are JESUS i pen off as i say:

-FIN-

Sunday Afternoon Goodbyes.

From a distance i can hear the silent wails of my soul slowly shrinking to the horror of Sunday goodbyes... its not so bad form me, i can manage, for sure i can with the strength of God. The person am really worried (OK kinda) about is my neighbour. See illustration below...

this guy below,

was singing to-------------------------> this chick

this particular Sunday afternoon, it was a normal Sunday PM, save from some extra weird noises coming from next door. 

Now, the hood i live in is pretty descent. The humans have smiley faces and  most of them pretend to like each other they also have this peculiar habit of ensuring their handshakes extend past your elbow; #too vigorous . Back to my noisy neighbor  i had just put on my second favorite show (Psych) when i heard a shriek, this one at least i knew was not weird rather it was fear that struck my ears upon sinking of the noise. Being one not to peep into other peoples affairs, i decided to weigh off and concentrate on SEAN....men that guys is hot.    ( main man in Psych) i was just about to get my usual epiphany from the show, when i heard an even louder scream. Same Location. This time r i did not ignore, i hurriedly opened my door and quietly, actually with a fearful and shaky hand i shakily knocked on the door and shankingly prayed no flying thing would be thrown my direction.(please note that this was the first time i was knocking on the door in like 12 months) just as i was walking away, the door went ajar and there stood a sweaty middle aged guy i could have easily mistaken with the guy who stole my heart sorry hat save that he was wearing a vest and he was not holding a mic and was not singing any harmonies. He looked at me with expectation not the good kind of expectation; rather the very very bad expectation, in fact he looked at me with the "Hitler" expectation. All i managed was to blubber out gibberish about weird noises coming from this house as i was watching Psych.

When God said to love your neighbor more than self, i cannot ascertain that this guy had ever heard of this important rule especially as he was looking at me then. I apologized for disturbing his peace and asked him if i could go back to my house (do not under estimate how fear can bring out words wished never to be said) he blatantly said no, he actually told me " Since you knocked on the door to ask what those noises are about, why don't you come in and find out." i politely said no and flashed my smile (it has some magic power; the smile not the words.)  "Oh its not a request" is what i heard last as i was quickly frisked into the house. I found the shrieking neighbor curled up in a corner.

Lost for words, i decided to not utter a single word from here hence. The guy closed his door proceeded to the bedroom, wore on some decent clothing, put on a decent cologne and was about to leave when the girl sprung up and held him by his leg, the way a little girl holds her papa just as he is about to leave. While all this was going on, i heard the scream re-emerge and that's how i knew that the noise was a "love clinging" noise and not a "hurting" noise. ! felt so stew-pid  i cannot write the name correctly. 

This scene actually reminds me of Arsenal..(huge fan btw) how they are clinging on to poorly played games leaving us "mashabiki" with holes in our hearts, as such this chick seemed to be developing a hole in her heart, she was literally clutching at a straw, the dude was nonchalant, you should have seen how he dragged her, easily shook her off his leg and off he was. If there was a day i doubted that tears would drown me it sure wasn't this day. oh how so did the lady cry. After what seemed like a loooooooong hour, she calmed down and started talking. "He always says goodbye every Sunday afternoon, then we call and talk then we meet again on Friday then he says goodbye again like this." my eyebrows betrayed me as i asked her in a dramatic utter surprise "this goes down every Sunday? " my reaction to the response as below:

Anyway that's how i knew Sunday afternoon goodbyes are heavy for loads of us. Maybe its the reminder that Monday's diabolic laugh is so near, or perhaps that you need to hang that damn loosing jersey for that damn loosing arsenal team, back to your childhood closet. Sunday afternoons are generally filled with goodbyes. My question how ever is why do we feel like this is the hardest time of the week? i think most of us are so stuck on this pattern we actually do not realise its a cycle.  

For a while now i have closely been reading on books sharing brain patterns, this one particular one stated that: "the mind of a human is so afraid of change it actually adapts itself to rid off any type of threat on change"  I cannot poignantly say that i have crossed out Sunday goodbyes as one threat to the brain, all i can say is that: change is actually good. Change enables us to see the God in others and thus help us realise his love 

abundantly through each other. The secret is to avoid carrying one experience to the next day, easy right? WRONG. We reference now via yesterday and make up decisions based on yesterdays experience for  today's lessons. Break that pattern and renew your mind. ( Romans 12-2) 

-FIN-

Holds Like June

START-

it is the feeling i get, when i listen to many a one of my favourite songs; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xf-Lesrkuc

incomparable to the previous yet seems just like the last;

painting of a red sash on my face background is some time i knew;

of wanting, wondering waiting and faithing of things unseen things untold of dams and mist.

must be something; somewhere between Jupiter and Earth; maybe lying on one of the beauty rings.

was young and untouched pure and free;

Spirit rose up above before height could reach.

In a blue dress, my hair flew across the clean and soft winds,

then she vanished and so did i, i have no memories all left untold.

the stick was my skins best friend, everyday we knew one another.

Botched and bleached her spirit dies,

as early as seven oh well she is gone.

she trades and wades on walls unfinished, on water kissing her heels is great feeling.

her thoughts are blank and dark as evening, yet home to go she must return.

he shouts and shrieks as if in injury; the only one in injury is her poor young soul.

Joy comforts in night of full moon light; they sit and howl the night till dusk.

to school she is off her best is at bay; yet quite is she and draws her to close.

her clothes are torn but that is not all; the stench is unbecoming you better keep your range.

the still little voice urges on she must; today this life to end it we shall.

And two decades a third later, she stands strong yet in passive nature.

she wills, and fights and gnaws at her, did not all the rest do the same to her?

of justified truths and snares from them, she felt left out but now she stands out.

to end this we must confront her; through wisdom and those words left unsaid.

Everything is on Enya’s lips, its a cold war Janelle reminds.

that intense feeling i get when i listen to my violin sound; still she remembers of days untold.

                                                     

- FIN-